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07/22/2005 |
| Top Ten House Of “Edge” Ramifications |
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After a bad Edge PC crash, the SYSOP crazily unleashed his reality altering powers and the Edge universe faded to white… The House of Edge now rules the comic geek world; comic geeks are now abundant, the less important non comic geeks falling one notch down on the pop culture food chain. Welcome to the House Of Edge... |
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10) |
John, West store manager, is loyal to the House of Edge, votes Republican and pushes kids comics. He secretly tries to help non comic geeks convert their ways. Lord Steve turns a blind eye to such actions, much to the chagrin of the SYSOP. |
9) |
Mehling, leader of the South Edgeguys, lives in constant fear that someone will discover he does not actually read comics (but he still loves Star Wars). |
8) |
Diane, East store manager and hottie, is still the same, except for the greatly increased cleavage... and she now dresses in a red leather Powergirl suit… and is a frequent “guest” of the House of Edge… and finds the SYSOP strangely attractive… |
7) |
Rumors of a resistance movement to the House of Edge abound, supposedly lead by former disgraced Edgeguys and Magic: The Gathering groupies. |
6) |
Lymon The Wood, top agent of the House of Edge Elite Squad suddenly remembers the way things were… but doesn’t care because the House of Edge gave him that Shatner guy for a pet and he still has his trophy wife Cori, who now also has bigger cleavage. |
5) |
The Mad Serb, now a swinging billionaire playboy, only drinks apple juice, letting everyone think it is scotch. He claims he no longer reads comics and is one of the few non comic geeks to have favor within the House of Edge… but can he be trusted? Does he secretly still read comics? His faithful bodyguard, the thing known as “Young Mighty Jo” is always at his side, guarding his body. |
4) |
The following people were deemed not comic geeky enough and executed: Robblekins. |
3) |
The Daniels-Hill baby was born with the unique ability to get her Previews order in on time, and often helps her mother do the same. |
2) |
The SYSOP, a favored prince of the House of Edge, runs the vast computer network system that not only processes all orders digitally, but dispatches the Sentinels to track non comic readers. |
and the number 1...
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1) |
Steve rules the House of Edge justly, but those who oppose him are harshly dealt with. Many comic geeks revere him as a savior, but those that turn in late Previews orders, drop titles before they ship or forget to update their personal information have to answer to his elite Edgeguy goon squad. |
